Hannah here, hello to all of you. Though it is difficult, I feel driven to share this experience. I have been married to Luke, my husband, for about 10 years; I am thirty-eight years old, the mother of two amazing children, five and seven. Like any couple, we have faced our fair share of difficulties. More than all else we have gone through, though, something happened on our most recent trip to Mexico really shocked me. Imagine this: we are in Mexico surrounded by amazing beaches and perfect temperature. I was excited with expectancy on this trip. To be honest, I had painstakingly ready everything since, well, as a mother, I hardly got breaks. For this time together, we wanted to rebuild our relationship, relax, and just hang out. But from the start Luke was behaving oddly.
When I asked him to snap a picture with me or of me, he would always reply no. “I’m not in the mood,” he might say, or “Can we do it later?” I didn’t give it much thought at first. Maybe he was just worn out from the travel. Still, it kept happening. We were on this lovely beach, and I was sporting a fresh set that I had bought particularly for the trip. I rarely feel good about myself, especially considering two children and all else. “Could you capture me with the sunset?” I got Luke asked. “Not right now, Hannah,” he sighed. I grimaced, a little offended. “Why not? It will only take a second. Screaming, “I said I’m not in the mood,” he turned to leave. That was painful. We’re on vacation; what gives him the justification he needs to stop and snap a picture? I felt dumb and ashamed.
I saw that he was extra careful with his phone the whole trip. He would hide the screen every time I passed and even carry it into the toilet. I attempted to ignore the gut sense of something not quite right. One afternoon Luke was showering when I found his phone on the bed. My heart started racing the once I grabbed it. I had to know even if I understand that invading someone’s private is unethical. I unlocked his phone right away after perusing his most recent messages. There was a group conversation including his buddies. And, from what I read, my blood ran cold.
“Imagine, guys, at her weight she still wants me to snap pictures of her,” he had said. Where in the picture might she fit? Since birth, she has changed dramatically. Tears welled in my eyes, and I felt as like I was struggling to breathe. Behind my back, this man—the father of my children and the man I loved—was saying such cruel things. I thought we were a couple and he embraced me for who I am, but actually he was mocking me in front of his friends.
Startled, I sat there returning his phone. How could he have done it? I was misled and broken heartedly. Though our marriage was far from perfect, I never would have suspected he had so low respect for me. I sobbed in secret so the children would not hear. My tears soon stopped falling, and I started to feel angry instead. I would not let him get away from this guilt free. I had to act to show him the fallout from his remarks. That’s when I realized it. I took out my phone and glanced over the images I had captured on the trip. Selecting my favorites, I posted photos on Facebook along with a note saying, “Searching for a new travel companion.” Is my look that ugly that even my husband is afraid to have me taken pictures of? The post got likes and comments practically right away.
Many of my friends and neighbors also wrote supportive notes. They complained about Luke’s behavior and praised my photos, calling me beautiful. I did not go into great length on his comments, but the implication was clear. As Luke emerged from the shower, he knew my attitude had altered. He asked, maybe sensing the tension, “Is everything alright?” I said, not looking away from my phone, “It’s just fine.” I was unable to look him in the eye as I was still so hurt and angry. Luke’s treachery the next day still astounds me. The topics he mentioned stayed with me. But something happened that made already complicated situation considerably more challenging. Just before our trip, I had discovered that my uncle—who I had never known—had died and left me a sizable inheritance.
Telling Luke this news would be a pleasant surprise, hence I had intended to do on our trip. But once I found out his actual sentiments for me, I decided to keep it to myself. Luke’s mother, who had learnt about the inheritance, somehow passed the information to him that morning. Just finishing our packing, I was ready to call the trip when Luke walked into the room bearing a bunch of flowers. On a few other times when he knew he had made a mistake, I had seen his ashamed look. He started, “Hannah, I’m so sorry for everything,” then held the flowers out. Silent acceptance of them allowed me to wait to hear more from him. “I know I’ve been a jerky,” he said. That was not the appropriate response for me to offer. But with your new riches, my darling, you can pay a trainer and drop some weight. What I heard surprised me. Was he really expecting an apology and a suggestion to use my inheritance to set myself apart for him? Driven with wrath, I shot out, “Maybe I will, Luke. Still, not so you could fix me. His expression was really valuable. He thought I would just pardon him and carry on. But I was sick of it. This was my breaking moment.
“Luke, I’m divorcing you,” I said, keeping a cool head despite inward struggle. His mouth opened and his eyes widened. Then he began to weep, which startled me. “Please, Hannah,” he begged, not wanting her to leave. “All of my plans are dashed without your money now. I was going to get a new SUV to go off-road with my friends.” I found myself in shock. I understood then his scant regard for me. Not our relationship or our family; what my money could buy him mattered. I gave him a pitying but resolute look. More than I do, you seem to value my money. You will find another way instead of using my money or subject me humiliation to get your SUV. Luke, good bye. I left him then, simultaneously feeling oddly both relieved and depressed. I had to accept responsibility for my happiness today even though this was not the direction I had expected my life to follow. I spent the rest of the day setting up my trip home and starting the divorce process.
My family and friends never ceased being there for me. Every message and comment helped me to recover my confidence and self-worth. I realised I didn’t need Luke or anybody else to validate my attractiveness or value. Enough in my own right. I made the decision to carry on with my life and put my children and myself first. Not because Luke advised it, but rather to feel stronger and healthier, I started working out in the days that followed. I set aside more time for friends, developed fresh interests, and even considered going back to college. One day I saw Luke in the mall. His half-compliment of me shocked me.
” Hey! ” Hannah, also I nearly lost recognition of you. You appear different. Your and the children’s situation is how? I answered, “We’re doing great,” not desiring to carry on the discussion. Hannah, I wanted to know whether… Luke, I’ll be late. I have to be at someplace. I turned to go, said I’m sorry, From the corner of my eye, his typically calm, confident face was distorted with grief and uncertainty. That stopped worrying me though as I could now live my life on my terms and feel confident in my own skin. Rather than bemoaning my failing marriage, I was ready to go forward boldly and with self-love.
What then are your opinions? Did my answer fit the situation, or did I respond somewhat too far? From where you stand, what would you have done differently?